A Monthly Meditation evening comtemplation
​Judgement
Thoughts in all their guises - we not only give thoughts our attention, we believe them.  We create whole story-lines - judgements and beliefs around them.  I'm not talking here about analysing and assessing - this is something we need to do but judging every experience as good, bad or indifferent.  There will always be an element of judging because there will always be thought but as we watch our thoughts we can watch our judgements.  Observe them, like we observe how we talk to ourselves - tone of voice, words used - we do the same with our judgement thoughts.

If someone turns up later than they say they will and we judge them 'thoughtless', or   "He's always late" - notice the thought and pause.  There might be a good reason for the lateness -  we don't know what is going on in other people's lives (and most of the time it's none of our business).  Be kind.   It doesn't mean you are a pushover, it may be that you need to speak to the person if it is always happening, or perhap make a mental note to add a certain amount of time onto their suggested hour.

We can often judge ourselves harshly, as well as others, when we get lost in the unnecessary running commentary of thought.  Life will continue irrespective so judging things - people, events - does not add to our lives, in fact it often has the opposite effect.  It may make us feel superior, justified in our 'me, me, me' preoccupation but not for long and that's because this is not natural to who we really are.    In mindfulness we talk about needing to be true to ourselves, kind to ourselves - feeling all that arises and falls, not picking and choosing, which only results in tension, dis-ease.  Noticing judgements - how we do it, when we do it, discovering all we can from this is a true kindness.  Let the judgements thin out with all the other unhelpful thoughts.  When they do come, like with any thought, notice and acknowledge them perhaps even congratulate yourself for noticing.  The thoughts feel so real.  Judgement feels like all opinions, as though they are 'mine' and if we are not observing then hey presto! we'll be back in the stories of 'me, me, me'.  It is important to also maybe ask yourself 'is this really my problem/my business'?  The way someone dresses, wears their hair, has tattoos or not, their address or career choice - what does any of this mean?  What is their relevance to our existence?  Yet still we make judgements on these matters and like so many thought patterns they are habitual.

We also concern ourselves with people judging us.  What others think of us is none of our business either.  During the 8 week course we look at noticing how we speak to others, the expectation, judgement and pre-conceived ideas.  Giving judgement the same space we give any thought or sensation - to come and go - whether it be us feeling judged or us doing the judging, is being true, being compassionate - to ourselves and others.  Judgement is another type of defence mechanism to protect 'me, me, me'.  But the more time we spend in the present, the more our awareness expands, we realise there is nothing, no-one to protect.  We don't need to point out how others are lacking when we aren't!  Instead we are considerate, respectful - once again, to ourselves and others.

Blame
Life is life, things happen.  Rather than aiming blame at ourselves and others we should discover the gems this life event is offering us. When we start with blame how far do we go back?  Dragging up old stories from the past is unhelpful.  We lash out because we feel scared, out of control.  But life is constantly showing us that it is simply living, and in that way we have no control.  These are opportunities where life is calling on us to increase our awareness.  Anger and blame come from us believing that life shouldn't be like this, shouldn't happen in any way other than how we want it to and as we know this is the cause of our self-suffering and futile - the alleviation of which is our aim.

Taken from a series of three meditation evenings on thought and its many guises:
 
1.         Expectations
2.         Judgement/Blame
3.         Wants/Desires
 
1.         Expectations
 
Thoughts - there is nothing wrong with the activity of thinking.  In fact when used wisely the thinking process is a unique gift.  But we need to recognise thought – the unhelpful, the destructive, the general chit-chat and running commentary – for what it is: fleeting, transient, and most certainly not who we are.  We learn to not attach to them, not run away from them, simply notice them.
 
Have you ever walked through the shallows of the ocean and noticed the seaweed?  It drifts in and out on the tide, coming and going, washing around the feet, the toes and then suddenly, a piece snags around the ankles, between the toes.  We can either be aware of it, perhaps lift our foot to let it disentangle itself and watch it float away or we can let it catch our attention, worry about how it caught, be agitated by its presence – how it got there, when it will go.
 
Which of these responses is going to bring us peace in the moment? 
 
So many of our thoughts are very much the same – they snag, they catch our attention then take us on a journey of worrying, questioning, agitation.
 
Expectation is simply thought in one of its many guises. 

When we first come to mindfulness and meditation it can be with expectation.  We may expect it to solve our problems, fill a hole, instantly make us feel better.  Soon we discover this isn’t the case because it is not the objective.  In meditation, as in our lives, when we allow and recognise all aspects of our lives as being as they are, we are behaving naturally - being of our nature – and over time this brings its own rewards.
 
Sometimes in meditation, as in life, we will feel relaxed, happy and other times we won’t.  There will be pain, discomfort, irritation.  We are not trying to rid ourselves of anything, we want to just be with whatever is present, irrespective of labels of ‘good’ or ‘bad’.   Recently, I sat waiting to see a consultant to get some test results.  I sat, feeling the fear, the anticipation and realised there was a deliciousness about the unknown and in the same moment a knowing that whatever the result was I was going to be ok.
 
Now that wasn’t something I would have expected but hey life isn’t interested in what we expect.  You may have had some expectations of what you might read here.  Sometimes our expectations are obvious, sometimes subtle.  We may not even realise it was an expectation until someone/something says/does something and we feel a reaction against it.
 
Having an open approach to meditation, our lives, prevents these events from upsetting us.  We build a resilience to life.  Willingness to allow life to be, to see what happens is one of the kindest, self-compassionate things we can do.  The more aware we are, tuned into now, the less likely we are to respond in anything other than a kind, loving, way.
 
Expectation causes us so much suffering in life, without us even realising it.  All of life is about relationships – relationships with one another, with our environment, and with our own thoughts and feelings.
 
Often, we expect people to behave in a certain way because of our beliefs, thoughts, experiences and our desire to have life go the way we want it to.
 
How many times have we felt hurt or disappointed because we expected someone to say something, do something the way we wanted them to?
 
Why should they?  It’s laughable when we say it like that.  Most of the time we don’t recognise what is going on with our own thoughts so how can we expect to know how someone else is going to behave?  We dream up whole scenes - rehearsing what will be said, what responses will be made as though infiltrating someone else’s thoughts – and not just that but then manipulating what they say/do to fit in with our view of what is wanted - and always me, me. me at the centre of the story.
 
That is why watching our thoughts, acknowledging them for what they are and letting them be, is so important.  We learn to understand the power we hand over to thoughts.  The pressure we put on ourselves and others when they come as expectations.  Through journaling or talking to a friend – or a counsellor/therapist in some cases - we can understand where some of the more stubborn expectations come from and in this knowledge finally release them.  Often though, just the understanding that expectation, like any thought, isn’t who we are - is fleeting, transient – this knowledge is enough.

It doesn't mean we go through life without preferences, but it is the relationship with the preferences that is important as is living a life of What is and not What if.
 
Expectation is all part of the cause of suffering – wanting things to be different to how they are.  What's wrong with 'let's see what happens?'  As I said in one of my poems “Feel it from the start” –
 
“the day will be what it will be
it’s our awareness that determines what we see”
 
This was followed by a formal meditation and rounded off with the following poem:
 
One more illusion
 
Footsteps on the deserted pavement tap out the rhythm of the night
as a shower of autumn rain leaves a glistening dew on its surface
Street lights highlight miniature pools, an accumulation of tiny droplets
awaiting dispersement, as the footsteps approach - kicking, flicking into the space of night
 
Her smoky eyes watch him from her elevated position
the broken silence of life drawing her out
she ponders his existence, his mood, his gait
the lone figure - an air of peace and ease – hand in hand with the present
 
As if to prove her right, he stops,
tilts his head, looks into the dark depths of the road
smiling wistfully as he watches the reflection of traffic lights changing unbidden,
their colours dancing, sparkling - actors on the screen of tarmac
 
She can see how far he is from the angry man of a year ago
his thoughts then full of shoulds and coulds
weights and measures, assumptions of what would be
searching for those assurances of life, in guises of hope and expectancy
 
He walks on, picks up his pace, now aware of the onset of tiredness
- reminding him of the hour –
a feeling made up of sensations, like his anger, to be acknowledged, felt
no story-telling with its victims and recriminations
 
She knows he senses her, on the periphery of his awareness
there was a time he would welcome her in an open embrace
take her to heart.  It would be her hand he held
Always fun – well for her, at least
 
As he reaches for his garden gate, anticipating the touch of cool wet wood beneath his fingers
he turns, her desire penetrating the air around
knocking hard at the door of his resolve
He wishes her next conquest well
 
She too smiles ruefully
in his knowing he is lost to her,
it’s time for her to take her leave
Her short dark wings unfurl behind her
 
Tuning into the chatter of the next mind to stir,
delivery of disappointment in her sights
one more illusion in a life of what if
the Daemon of Expectation takes flight
 
Let me know if you would like to join the next monthly meditation evening on the last Tuesday of each month.
​

When I came to take down the Christmas decorations last week I was aware of a feeling of what I always labelled 'anti-climax'.  It was part of my pattern, I now recognise, of clinging to the pleasant events in life and not wanting them to end in fear of what may replace them.  A pattern which caused my own suffering by wanting life to be different in some way.  On recognising this old feeling, I remembered reading how the nervous system responds to triggers from our pasts - it has a memory.  Knowing that these feelings and the thoughts that accompanied them were just activities of the body/mind - not who I am - to feel arise and then let fall in their own time, brought a wave of peace and calm allowing me to continue the task in presence.  The experience inspired this poem:

Feel some more
 
Feel, connect, feel some more
Gratitude grounds us to the core
Aware of the nervous system’s memory clinging
In this knowledge comes freedom, the heart is singing
This kindness to allow all to arise
To be truly felt with no disguise
Aware of sensations before they fall
Yes, this is the kindest kindness of all
Letting life be, without the push and pull
Pleasant the master, unpleasantness to cull
Aware of life’s nature, life is King
Be at one with this nature, release the suffering
Aware of all on offer, beyond must-haves and wants
Experience inner wisdom, the heart’s response
 
Feel, connect, feel some more
Be this wonder, creative to our core

​Through mindfulness practice we learn to spend more of our lives in awareness.  This leads us not only to less upset over time – as we recognise how we, and the relationships with our thoughts and feelings, are the cause of much of our suffering – but to the realisation we are here to experience existence, naturally.
 
When we live life with less judgement, without expectations and limiting beliefs, we discover the peace and freedom life has to offer.
 
If you need help trusting in the process of life, contact me now to learn how the 1:1 8 week on-line Mindfulness course can help you – www.hallofmindfulness.co.uk
 

Pauses are important in life but something we tend to ignore as we race through our busy days from one task to the next filling our lives, keeping busy, anything but BE with ourselves.  Mindfulness reconnects us to the pauses, the stillness and the silence.  That's where the real work is done.  As you read the following poem, take time to pause and use your senses.  The senses are more than their obvious attributes they are the connection to the present moment, bringing us back over and over again from our distractions to be in the Now.

​Pause awhile
Pause awhile
and simply notice
the wonder
of the breath, in and out
Feel it’s progress
moving through the body
life-affirming
without a doubt
 
Pause awhile
and simply notice
the music
all around, to hear
Made by birds
or even a whisper
as melodic
as rumbling traffic changing gear
 
Pause awhile
and simply notice
all the sights
in front of the eyes
Up close
or at a distance
even in the familiar
there can be a surprise
 
Pause awhile
and simply notice
any fragrances
that hang in the air
Maybe sweet
or perhaps pungent
inhale them all
no judgement to share

Pause awhile
and simply notice
any taste in the mouth
on the tongue
Lips savour
many a flavour
taste buds recognising
mild and strong
 
Pause awhile
and simply notice
the sense of touch
where the feet
meet the ground
Where fingers
brush against one another
sensations, old and new,
can be found
 
Pause awhile
and simply notice
the thinking mind
in overdrive
Not needed
on every occasion
in the chatter
it’s true ability
we deprive
 
Pause awhile
and simply notice
the connection
to peace and love
we allow
By experiencing all
in this moment
our presence
in this here and this now

Being aware whilst carrying out every day tasks, as well as during meditation, is the way to connect with the here, the present, the peace this offers.  I find writing poetry connects me in this way too and the words flow with ease.  Email me if you want to learn more about the 8 week Mindfulness Course, I would love to be part of your adventure to reconnect to that peace!

Pure consciousness delivers us from our knowing state, into the joy of a brand new
day
The peace we feel in our restful sleep, soon hijacked by thoughts, slips away

It is that peace we want to rediscover
that peace to which we want to reconnect
in that peace there is a real sense of home-coming
receiving sustenance from our source direct

That sustenance, the essence of who we are
pure love in it’s simplest form
The only lack – that of separation
without which we can weather any storm

That separation just part of the illusion
a veil created from experience, thought and belief
When united in pure consciousness, the Undistracted
welcome that peace with a sigh of relief
​
To reach it we must say goodbye to the drama
Goodbye to the judgement, the fear and the doubt
Trust in oneness, our own true essence
whose infinite wisdom we cannot do without.

There is no better place to be aware than out in nature, making the most of all of our senses.  On a recent walk I met this inspiration.

This tree, this tree, oh how I love this tree!
Dead in terms of new growth but far from lifeless
Still majestic in it's presence, reaching far and wide with it's strong, demonstrative branches
like the Reaper's long fingernails pointing the way to an undisclosed, indeterminate destination
and still giving life to all who nestle in, around and under it's towering structure
Proof of how individuality and independence are an illusion, 
our oneness on display
Even in death, and beyond, we are still lovingly present, still contributing to this consciousness, at one with what we truly are.

Mindfulness Meditation can help us to feel and experience emotions as the body sensations they are so as we learn to respond and not react from old mental habits. 
The recent murder of George Floyd and all it highlighted inspired me to write the poem below.
​
Why have we come so far,
so far away from who we truly are?
 
The constant distractions from the here and now
the thoughts and beliefs that convince us how
we are separate subjects in our own little realm
not even aware it’s the chattering mind at the helm
 
A virus can bring our world to a stand-still
but the distractions go on; we still maim and kill
Anger is born from a deep sense of fear
of the very death this behaviour brings near
 
A murder most foul is captured on screen
so we let our anger boil over and vent our spleen
Violence and vitriol become the order of the day
Why have we come so far, so far away?
 
Or we sit and hang our heads in shame
Is our antipathy to our sisters and brothers to blame?
Do we really try to understand their plight
or get defensive and glove-up, ready for a fight?
 
Why is it ok to lash out and hate?
It’s not, it’s not, it’s just sealing our fate
Anger is an emotion, allowed to be felt
but as a sensation within, not a blow to be dealt
 
Whichever side you see yourself on
ask yourself why you feel this anger so strong?
When you do and the answer is authentic and true
you’ll discover the source of the anger is in you
 
So old stories of superiority, must be learned, are just that
- stories and old, no basis in fact
‘Who do they think they are?’ thoughts and beliefs rage on
Where, oh where, has all the love gone?
 
Well the love is still here, it’s just shielded by
the labels, masks and stories we rate so high
by the comparisons and judgements we hold so dear
and by the belief in separation – our real fear
 
But we can begin again, in Universal Unity
the planet and all it’s inhabitants, an Earthly Equality
Just take time to go within, sit awhile, be still
and discover love is our essence, non-separation our will